


The Lipstick Incident

by pommedeplume



Series: Marauders Tales [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1970s, Alcohol, Awkward Sexual Situations, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Black James Potter, Canon Compliant, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Hangover, Jealousy, M/M, Marauders, Morning After, POC James Potter, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 01:28:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13260741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pommedeplume/pseuds/pommedeplume
Summary: (July 1979)After a night out of drinking firewhisky, Remus Lupin awakes to find several surprises awaiting him.Written for R/S 24 Hour Challenge (prompt by NachoDiablo.)





	The Lipstick Incident

**Author's Note:**

> Theme was: The Morning after  
> Words given for usage were: pillow, banana, firewhisky, snogging, fire, lipstick, window, hippogryff, tattoo, jealous

**July 1979**

 

When Remus Lupin woke up he was surprised to find a banana, rather than his boyfriend Sirius Black lying on a pillow next to him. Remus licked his lips. A banana sounded delightful but his mouth tasted like shite and his head pulsated painfully. Another night out drinking firewhisky, he supposed.

He stretched and rolled out of bed, scratching his bum as soon as he was on his feet. He wandered over to the loo, looking down and noticing someone funny as he relieved himself.

“What the bloody hell?” he whispered down at his own cock.

He flushed the toilet then dashed into his bedroom, looking for some better light. He pulled on his cock and squinted down at it. It was unmistakable. He would know that shade of red lipstick anywhere as belonging to his best friend, Lily Evans.

“What the fuck happened?” he asked his red tinted friend, hanging limply in his hand as if it were capable of answering.

He absolutely could not let Sirius see this before he had a chance to figure out what happened. They’d only been dating for around six months and Sirius had already proven himself to be a tad jealous from time to time. Remus shuddered to imagine what would happen if Sirius found him red-handed… well, red-cocked, he supposed with a sigh.

Just then Remus began to smell something. Something was _burning_. Remus grabbed his wand from the top of his dresser.

“Fire!” he shouted, dashing out of the bedroom, seeing smoke pouring out of the kitchen as held forth his wand.

“It’s all right! I’ve got it!” a voice that was not his boyfriend’s called out.

“Aguamenti!” Remus shouted, spraying the kitchen and the source of the voice with water.

“Merlin, Moony! I was just using the toastie maker!” James Potter complained, looking very soggy.

“Not correctly, you weren’t! What the hell, Prongs?” Remus asked, as James tossed a burnt sandwich in the bin.

It was at this point that James noticed what Remus himself had forgot: he was still naked. His spectacle covered hazel eyes gazed between Remus’s thighs, his mouth falling open.

“Oh. Shit. I’ll be right back,” Remus said, starting to head back to the bedroom before James said, “Wait!”

Remus stopped, his bottom facing James.

“Blimey, I never thought I’d be saying this but… can I take another look at your cock?”

Remus gave James a look of shock but shrugged and turned around. He wasn’t shy.

“I knew it! I’d recognise that ring around a cock anywhere. That’s Lily’s lipstick. Any last words before I murder you?” James asked with a fierce glare.

“Now, listen, Prongs, there’s a rational explanation for this!” Remus sputtered as James stepped towards him.

James stopped halfway and laughed.

“I’m just taking the piss, mate. Lily was with me all night. She was actually just here. She went out to get some eggs.”

Remus sighed with relief.

“That’s the best news I’ve heard all morning. I didn’t want to have explain to my jealous boyfriend that I might’ve let Lily suck me off last night.”

“Would you have?” James asked.

“What?” Remus replied, blinking.

“No judging. I’m just wondering. If Lils like pulled you into an alley and offered to suck you off. Would you give her a go?”

Remus stared at his friend with total shock, still really wanting to get cleaned up and dressed. He also didn’t want to explain that he and Lily had already done some experimenting back at Hogwarts. He would leave that for Lily someday.

“No. I wouldn’t. I mean… Maybe if were were both completely pissed but… if I was sober and aware, never. She’s your fiancée. I would never want to interfere with your relationship.”

James grinned.

“You’re a hell of a bloke, Moony,” James said, patting Remus on the shoulder with a dark hand as the front door opened, both of them jumping and James pulling his hand away.

Lily stared at them both, her green eyes bouncing back and forth, as she clutched her grocery bag to her chest.

“What’s all this then?” she asked.

“Moony was just showing me his cock,” James offered.

“Was he? That’s fair, I suppose. But maybe Remus would like to… Wait. Hang on now,” Lily said, quickly approaching, her eyes fixed on Remus’s cock.

“Bloody hell,” Remus muttered under his breath.

“That’s my lipstick on your knob, mate,” Lily observed.

“Yes, that was why Prongs was having a gander,” Remus offered.

“Oh, is that what he told you?” Lily said, giving her fiancé a wink.

James’s dark cheeks reddened and he awkwardly laughed. Remus could feel blood rushing down below and definitely didn’t want to get a sodding erection at a moment like this.

“Lils… have you seen Sirius?” Remus inquired.

“Not since last night, no,” she replied, putting the eggs up in Remus’s refrigerator.

Remus sighed.

“So what happened last night? I remember we were going to the Leaky Cauldron but everything is blurry after that.”

“Yeah, the five us went there. You lot were downing firewhisky like there was no tomorrow while I just had a couple of glasses of Elf-made wine. You and Sirius were snogging up a storm. I said you should get a room so the two of you took off. That was the last I saw either of you until just now. Oh, and earlier I did notice my lipstick was missing from my purse. Take that for what you will,” Lily explained.

Remus scratched his head feeling like things were making more sense but several mysteries, particular the banana on his pillow, remained to be resolved. Then the front door opened once more, his boyfriend entering and looking oddly ashamed.

“Moony… why are you standing there with your willy hanging out?” Sirius gasped and pointed.

“Because everyone keeps asking to bloody see it!” Remus snarled.

“I mean it’s beautiful, so I get that but… any particular reason why… wait… Ohhhh,” Sirius said, seeming to have been hit by a revelation.

“Yes, I don’t suppose you know how some of Lily’s lipstick got on it, do you?”

Sirius grinned, seeming proud of himself.

“I do, yeah. Sort of. I don’t remember but I did wake up with lipstick on my face this morning when I got up to take care of the thing…”

“What thing?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Sirius said, sitting down on the sofa and wincing with obvious pain.

“This is proving to be a very entertaining morning, lads,” Lily said with glee.

“What did you do, Padfoot?” Remus asked.

“Went to sit down on the loo this morning. Felt something stinging. Looked in the mirror and discovered the worst ever tattoo of a Hippogriff bursting through a window you’ve ever seen right on my arse.”

“Can we see it!” Lily asked.

“No. I’ve had it removed, obviously. I can show the patch where the wizard blasted it off, though.”

Sirius stood up and pulled his trousers and pants down, revealing his left arse cheek was swollen and red.

“Merlin’s arse!” James called out.

“Yeah,” Sirius grumbled pulling his trousers back up.

“Padfoot… will you join me in the bedroom? There’s one more mystery I need solving,” Remus asked, beckoning his boyfriend with a finger.

“Let’s go, James. Give the lads some space, shall we?” Lily said, taking James, who was still soaked from Remus’s spell, by the hand.

“Cheers, Lils,” Remus said as the two of them left the flat and Sirius followed him into the bedroom.

“So what’s the deal with the banana?” Remus asked, pointing over at the fruit a thumb.

“How should I know?” Sirius asked earnestly.

Remus stared up into his grey eyes, finding not a hint of mischief, disappointing him.

“Really?” Remus asked.

“It was there when I woke up. I assumed you put it there.”

“Padfoot… I don’t have any bananas. Where did we even get a banana?”

Sirius shrugged.

“It was a long night. Who knows what we got up to? Maybe you just wanted a banana. Personally, there’s something else I’d rather stick in my mouth,” Sirius smoothly chuckled, leaning down into a deep snog.

“You crafty bastard,” Remus moaned, feeling his greatly scrutinised cock stiffening between them.

“Sorry, I keep glancing at that ring around your cock and I’m jealous of the bastard who got to put it there,” Sirius said.

“Well, let me go clean up then you can see about making him jealous right back,” Remus winked, heading off to the shower.


End file.
